All Harts Need Healing
by reilert79
Summary: Jennifer faces a health crisis; Jonathan has to help her through it, if she will let him.
1. Up Hill Battle of the Harts

Uphill Battle of the Hart's

***Willow Pond***

It's the middle of the night. Jennifer and Jonathan are sleeping, wrapped up in each other's arms.

Jonathan is sleeping soundly. Jennifer is not. She is dreaming that she is running, running as fast as she can, trying to get away from someone or something. She couldn't see who it was or what it was, only hands reaching out to get her.

She started moaning in her sleep. She started moaning louder and louder. "No, go away!"

Jonathan woke up and realized that she was having a nightmare.

He gently shook her.

"Darling, wake up. It's ok."

After several shakes, she woke up.

"Darling, you were having a nightmare. It's ok".

She was trembling and shaking. She wrapped her arms around him and he held her tightly until she calmed down. He reached over and got her some water, and after a few minutes, they laid back down. She fell back asleep and when he was convinced that she was ok, he wrapped his arms around her and fell back asleep too.

He reached over and grabbed his phone and unset his alarm.

Most mornings, he liked to be at the office early, but some mornings, he needed to be home with her.

***A few hours later***

She woke up at 8:30, and realized he was still in bed with her. She nestled up against him, and he kissed her head and squeezed her a little tighter.

She rolled over and kissed him.

"Good morning, darling".

"Good morning".

She lightly ran her nails across his chest.

"Are you feeling better, darling? You were pretty upset after your nightmare".

She looked confused for a minute, and then remembered it.

"I guess. It was just so real".

She looked at him.

"I'm sorry I woke you up darling".

"No apologies necessary. You fell back asleep pretty easily."

"I hope you did, too".

"Once I knew you were alright".

She kissed him.

"You are so good to me".

She laid her head on his chest.

"What do you have planned today, darling?"

"Well, after the office, I plan on spending the evening dancing".

"Oh, you do?"

"Yes. How does your dance card look?"

"It's all filled up. By the same guy".

"Well, he is one lucky fella".

He leaned over and kissed her.

***Later that night***

Jonathan got home at 6. Max had prepared a special dinner for them, shrimp scampi and a chopped salad.

After they ate, they snuggled on the couch by the fire and had a brandy.

Jennifer fell asleep with her head on Jonathan's shoulder.

He let her sleep for about an hour, and then she woke up.

"Ready to come to bed, darling?"

"Almost. There's one last thing we need to do".

He sat her up, and then he got up. He went over and started some music on the bar stereo, and came back and held his hand out to her.

"May I have this dance?"

She nodded, and got up and followed him.

They danced in the foyer, and floated through the air. She put her head on his cheek and felt like time was standing still. After about an hour, he turned the stereo off, picked her up, and carried her upstairs.

***The next morning***

Jennifer and Jonathan made love as soon as they woke up, which they often did. She got up and headed for the shower. She had just put body wash on, and was scrubbing when she felt something. It struck her odd. She tried to feel it again, and found it rather easily. Her eyes filled up with tears, and she instantly felt sick.

It was a lump in her right breast, and it was a nice size.

She spent the rest of the shower crying and trying to figure out how to tell Jonathan.

After she got out of the shower and dried off, she got dressed in loose fitting clothing. She called Dr. Susan Kendall, and asked for a referral for a mammogram.

"I can do one for you at my office."

"Can I come see you today? It's very important".

"Sure. I will squeeze you in. How does 11 sound?"

"Perfect. See you then".

She tried to stay busy, but it was hard. She had always been the picture of health. As much as she wanted to stay positive, she was terrified.

She drove to the appointment in silence. She kept picturing Jonathan's reaction. She knew he would never leave her or desert her. But, he was very protective of her, and she hated to see him upset. This would more than upset him.

***Dr. Kendall's office***

Jennifer was called back and given a gown to put on, and then taken to the mammogram room.

After her mammogram, she showed the nurse what she had found, and she circled it and did a special mammogram film for her focused on that location. She was given more forms to fill out, asking about her recent health. She indicated that she had been very tired lately, at times when it was unusual for her to be tired. She was also very achy in the chest when she bent over at odd times, and sleeping on her stomach had become painful.

Susan came in to talk with her personally.

"Hi Jennifer".

"Hi Susan. Thanks for seeing me".

"First of all, anytime". And second-" Susan walked over and gave her a big hug.

"When did you discover this?"

"This morning in the shower".

"And the other symptoms?"

"Sleeping on my stomach became painful starting sometime around beginning of last week. Sleeping more than usual has been just the past few days".

"Ok. So, I developed your films. Let me put them up for you, and then we will take a look".

One of the reasons that Jennifer loved Dr. Kendall was because she was very thorough with all of her patients about everything.

She and Jennifer chatted about the rest of Jennifer's health until the nurse came and brought her the films.

She got up and put them on the x-ray board.

She looked at them without the light, and then she went over and sat next to Jennifer.

"Sweetie, we need to call Jonathan".

Jennifer burst into tears, while Susan grabbed her phone and called Hart Industries.

***About 30 minutes later***

Jennifer was still crying. She couldn't believe it. Her mother had died of breast cancer, and now she had it too.

The nurse showed Jonathan to Jennifer's room. He had no idea what was going on, Susan had just said "Please come to my office right now. Jennifer needs you".

Susan had tried to comfort her best she could, but Jennifer who usually was very stoic, was upset, and couldn't quit crying.

The nurse showed Jonathan in. He kissed Susan on the cheek, and then sat by Jennifer.

"Darling, we will get through whatever she has to tell us. I promise you that".

He hugged her close and just held her for a minute. She regained her composure, and then they looked at Susan.

"Ok, so I am going to recommend you for a procedure, so that we can know more. However, based on my medical expertise, I am confident that this can be removed. You have what appears to be a mass in your right breast. And it looks like a small one growing in your left breast. So, this is what I want to do. I want to schedule you with a general surgeon, and I will get you in with whomever can operate right away. They will take out hopefully all of it, and as much as they can if not, and send it to be tested in the lab. That will tell us if it is cancer, and what type. If the answer is yes, then you decide on a course of treatment. If the answer is no, then you focus on healing. Everything is in-house. The surgeons and oncologists all work on my team."

She nodded.

Susan pulled up the calendar.

"It seems that the surgeon that has the first availability is Dr. Martin. He can see you in an hour, to do the ultrasound and the preliminaries, and he can operate on you as early as tomorrow morning at 9".

Jennifer nodded.

"I tell you what. Why don't the two of you wait in here, where it's private. When it's time for your appointment, I will have the nurse come get you from here and take you to his exam room".

She gathered her things.

Jennifer stood up and gave her a long hug.  
"Thank you for seeing me, and for expediting this".

"You aren't alone, Jennifer. You aren't alone".

She nodded.

Jennifer sat back down with Jonathan as Susan left the room.

She put her head on his shoulder and he held her close.

"Darling, what happened this morning after I left the house?"

"I was in the shower and found the lump. So, I got out and called Susan and she worked me in".

"I am so glad that you take care of yourself, and me. Now, I am going to take care of you".

The nurse came and got them, and took them to an exam room down the hall.

She was given the gown, and they let Jonathan stay in the room with her.

Dr. Martin came in, introduced himself and explained that this ultrasound was simply to help him know where the lump was and where to look tomorrow, during surgery.

He made some markings on her breasts with a purple marker, and then told her she could get dressed.

He gave them a sheet with pre-surgery rules and guidelines and then said "Try to rest tonight. I will see you two at the surgery center in the morning, and I am confident that things will go well".

"Thank you, doctor".

Jonathan helped Jennifer get dressed again, and they headed out.

"Let me drive you home, Max and I can come back and get the other car later".

She didn't argue with him at all.

They climbed into her Porsche and headed to Willow Pond.

***Willow Pond***

He helped her out of the car, and they headed to the couch. Max fixed her some tea, and she curled up on his shoulder while she drank it.

Freeway came over and jumped up on the couch next to her and put his head on her lap.

"I just can't be sick, darling. You deserve a healthy wife, not a sick one".

"I only want you, babe, no matter the circumstances. If you are sick, we will get you well. If you aren't, then we will thank our lucky stars and focus on keeping you well".

He kissed her forehead.

"I love you darling, no matter what".

She nodded. "I love you, too. Thank you for coming to Susan's office with me today".

"No place I would rather be, darling. There is absolutely nothing in the world that would ever change the way I feel about you."

She finished her tea, and they went to the kitchen. She had a light lunch, and then went upstairs to lie down.

Jonathan filled Max in, but told him to keep it between them.

"Surgery is tomorrow, at 9. We are going to stay home tonight and take it easy".

He handed Max the list of pre-surgery guidelines that indicated what foods she could and couldn't have.

"Soup and grilled cheese it is".

He handed Max some cash. "Can you call a cab, and go to Dr. Kendall's office and pick up my car? I didn't want her to drive home by herself".

"Sure thing, Mr. H. Right away".

"Thanks Max".

Jonathan went upstairs and changed clothes. Jennifer was lying on the bed with her eyes closed.

He laid down next to her, put his arms around her and just held her.

They both fell asleep, and slept till almost dinnertime.

Jennifer woke up around 5, and decided to take a shower. She put on her nightgown and robe after she got out. Jonathan was laying on the bed reading.

"Feel better, darling?"

She shrugged her shoulders.

She climbed on the bed and put her feet under the covers and then hugged his arm.

"Max has the list of what you can eat and not eat tonight. He said he was making soup and grilled cheese for dinner".

"Yum".

She put her head on his shoulder, and kissed his shoulder a bit.

"Darling, in case I never told you, you are everything I ever wanted".

He put his book down.

"Sweetheart, you have always been everything I ever wanted. You have made me the happiest man ever. I love you so much".

He kissed her a few times.

"Let's just get through tomorrow's surgery. Once we know what we are dealing with, we can and will face it head on, together".

She nodded.

They went downstairs and had dinner. Max joined them, and he and Jonathan tried to keep her mind of things.

Max insisted on doing the dishes, so Jennifer and Jonathan went and snuggled on the couch by the fire.

They usually had a brandy after dinner, but she was told no alcohol, so they were abstaining.

"Darling, if you are ever here without me, Freeway likes a good belly rub at night time. And his dog food is the one in the blue bag, bottom shelf at the grocery store. There is a book in my desk with all the important phone numbers and addresses in it, plus all of our insurance papers. Some of your Christmas gifts for next year have been bought and wrapped all ready, so you will have to find them."

"Jennifer, I intend to come home with you, not without you. Try not to think about anything else, ok?"

"This wasn't the way I pictured it, you know. You and I have gone on so many adventures and capers and journeys. I always figured that you and I would go that way. Not sick from a dreadful disease".

He didn't say anything. He just sat her up some, and started rubbing her shoulders for her.

Pretty soon, he got her so relaxed that she fell asleep. He had tried all night to get her to keep her mind of something going wrong during the operation, or this being the beginning of the end for them. He couldn't tell her that his mind was doing the same. He didn't know what he would do without her. All he knew was that she was his everything, and nothing or nobody else even came close. Nobody could hold a candle to her, or what they had, in bed or anywhere else. And if something happened to her, he would throw all the matches away.

He eased out from under her, picked her up, and carried her to bed.

***The next morning***

He had set the alarm for 6:30. They had to be at the surgery center at 8.

He woke up first, and quickly showered, and then woke her up.

She got ready, and then they went downstairs. Max brought Freeway out, and she kissed him and loved on him a lot.

"Always remember that Mommy loves you, sweet boy. She loves you so, so much".

She turned to Max.

She couldn't think of the words to say, so she just hugged him instead.

"I will see you when you get home, Mrs. H. Freeway and I will be waiting".

She squeezed his cheeks, and then Jonathan led her to the car.

***Surgery Center***

They got to the surgery center and got her checked in.

Susan came by and told them she would be scrubbing in with them, just for moral support.

"Thank you, so much".

The tech went over all the details.

"This is your basic lumpectomy. So, we will put you to sleep, and then cut the lump out, and stitch you back up. Barring any unforeseen complications, you should be able to go home this afternoon. Healing is very important. You are going to want to wear button up tops, or soft, stretchy tank tops. You will need someone to help you shower, at least the first time. We will give you some waterproof bandages, to go over your stitches. Use them each time you shower until we take the stitches out, next week. No lifting anything over your head for a few days. No climbing ladders either. You should feel some resistance to lifting your arms- that's normal. Don't force it. As far as pain pills, we will give you some good ones, just make sure that you take them with food and drink plenty of water".

They gave her a room, and had her change into a gown.

"Make yourself comfortable, we will be starting in about 40 minutes".

She nodded.

The nurse gave them a piece of paper that had everything they had just gone over.

"You will want to wear a sports bra, or skip wearing a bra, for the next few days. Lots of pillows to prop you up, rest as much as you can. Listen to your body, don't push it. Light exercise is ok, if you are feeling up to it. But no pushups, situps, etc."

She nodded.

The nurse left, and Jennifer changed into her gown. She packed her clothes in the bag they had brought and then went and sat his lap.

"I love you, you know that?"

He nodded.

"And I adore you, you know that?"

She nodded.

"Darling, do you have your phone with you?"

He nodded. "Yes, why?"

"Can I see it?"

He pulled it out of his pocket and handed it to her.

She opened up the apps, and went to the voice recording app. She started a new recording.

"You are my knight-in-shining armor, my hero, the love of my life, my best friend. I love you so much, darling. If I could go back in time, the only thing I would change is when you and I met. I would change it to earlier, so I could love you longer. I love you darling, always and forever, here or there. I loved you once, I loved you twice, I love you more than beans and rice".

She stopped the recording and hit save.

She put it in an album all by itself, and saved it under 'Jennifer'.

As she handed it back to him, she looked him dead in the eye.

"Promise me, that if something ever happens, you will listen to that every day, and never doubt how I feel about you?"

"Promise, darling. But nothing is going to happen".

He kissed her and held her close.

The nurse came and told them it was time, so he helped her into the bed.

He kissed her several times, and smoothed her hair.

"I love you, Jennifer Suzanne Hart, with all of my heart and soul. I absolutely adore you, and I will be here when you get back."

"I love you, Jonathan Charles Hart, from the tips of my toes to the tops of the stars, and I better see your face when I come back here, buster".

She kissed him, and they wheeled her to surgery.

The surgery took about 3 hours. The lump was rather large, but they were able to get most of it. She was no doubt going to want to do reconstruction at a later date. After 45 stitches in one breast, and 26 in the other, she was bandaged up, and taken to recovery, and then back to her room. Jonathan was waiting there, just like he'd promised.

She was sleeping, and would be for a few hours. The doctor came by and spoke to him, along with Susan.

"She did really great. It was a significant sized mass in the right breast, about the size of a golf ball. The left breast had one about the size of a quarter, and the thickness of a nickel. We got everything out of the left, and all but about 3 inches of the right. It was very strongly rooted, and I didn't want to extend her surgery time. That little amount left can usually be easily treated with chemotherapy. After about 4-6 weeks, she and I can sit down and talk about reconstruction. Depending on the swelling, her breasts might appear to be a little misshapen, and this will most likely change and shift over the next several days. Ice bags and cold washcloths on her back will help with the pain and ease the discomfort".

Susan spoke up. "She looks really good, Jonathan. You have my home number, if you need anything, day or night, just call. I am happy to make house calls for her".

He kissed her cheek. "Thank you so much, both of you".

He went back and sat down next to her, and grabbed her hand.

The doctor came in about an hour later.

"We sent the specimen to the lab. Susan Kendall put a rush on it, and will call you tomorrow with the results. We scheduled an appointment to check her bandages and stitches and discuss the results if necessary for Friday at 10, same offices as yesterday".

"Thank you".

He signed the discharge papers and said that she could go home as soon as she woke up, and that a bland diet was probably best for the rest of the day.

He rubbed the back of her hand, and leaned over and gave her a few kisses.

He had just about nodded off, when he heard the most gorgeous sound in the world.

"Darling?"

"Hi, sweetheart. You can go home as soon as the nurse sees that you are awake. Susan said you did an excellent job".

She nodded.

She puckered her lips and blew him a kiss.

He leaned over and gave her a real one.

She was in and out for about 20 minutes, and then she woke up for real.

The nurse came in, took her vitals and gave her a non-drowsy pain pill, checked her bandages, and then told her she was free to go. The nurse helped her sit up, while Jonathan helped her get dressed.

They skipped the bra, and just put on her shirt. The nurse handed Jonathan a prescription for 2 different pain pills, plus an antibiotic to ward off infection, just in case.

They got her into a wheelchair, and he held her hand and walked beside it as they pushed her out of the hospital.

About 30 minutes later, Jennifer and Jonathan were home.

***Willow Pond***

Max met them at the door and was prepared to help her out of the car.

She was pretty groggy.

Jonathan helped her walk up the stairs, and got her settled on the bed. He gave her one of his pajama tops to wear, and got her in bed.

She fell back asleep almost instantly.

He kissed her and turned on the fan just like she liked it, and then headed downstairs.

"Max, I am going to go get her prescriptions filled. Keep an ear out, will ya? If she wakes up, try and get her to drink some water".

"Got it, Mr. H".

Jonathan was back after about 45 minutes. He had also gone to the grocery store, and picked up all her favorites foods, like coconut milk, fresh pears, green bananas, and her favorite fruits and veggies. He picked up a gorgeous bouquet of flowers for her bedside. The bouquet had all her favorites- purple snap dragon, bells of Ireland, white roses, and pink gladiolus, and some blue irises.

He picked up some magazines for her to read if she wanted, and he took a picture of all the current books they had on the shelf. He intended to show it to her, and then either he or Max would come get it for her.

He came inside with all the groceries, and put them away.

"She didn't make a peep, Mr. H. I took some water up to her and put it on the nightstand just in case".

"Thanks, Max".

Jonathan got some work done, and Max made Mrs. H. some soup for dinner. He grilled some steaks and baked potatoes for Jonathan and himself.

Freeway had camped out on the floor on Jennifer's side of the bed, and he wouldn't move.

She woke up around 8, and had some soup. She wanted a sponge bath, so Jonathan helped her to the bathroom and gave her one.

"Are you in any pain, darling?"

"Not really. Did they give me any medicine?"

"Yes, a nighttime pain pill, a daytime pain pill, and an antibiotic."

"Nighttime please".

"Coming right up".

She opted to wear his pajama top for the night, so he helped her redress, and then got her back in bed.

He got out her medicine and brought it to her.

"Darling, tell me what the doctor said before I fall asleep again".

"He said you were an excellent patient. He said that in your right breast, the lump was about the size of a golf ball, and the one in your left breast was about the size of a quarter, and about as thick as a nickel. They got all of the left, and most of the right. So, if it's cancer, you will probably have to do chemotherapy, and if it's not, they will just monitor it. You have a lot of stitches and you can get those out probably next week. And he prescribed lots of bedrest for the next few days, and to limit your physical activity. If you are in pain, ice bags on your chest and cold washcloths on your back should help".

She nodded.

"I went to the store and left you in Max's very capable hands. I picked up your favorite foods, and these flowers, and I got you some magazines, and I took a picture of the book section, and if you see one you want, we can go back and get it".

She turned to look at the flowers.

"Honey, they are absolutely beautiful". She kissed him.

"Not as beautiful as you". He kissed her back.

He called Max downstairs and asked him to bring her a sliced banana and a piece of toast, and some fresh water.

"Right away, Mr. H.".

Jennifer was laying against the pillows, and Jonathan gave her a neck massage and sang to her while they were waiting on Max.

Max came right up, and she ate the snack rather fast, and then Jonathan gave her the pill, and Max told them goodnight.

Jonathan held her hand, and got as close to her as he could, and fell asleep with her.

***The next morning***

Jennifer woke up at 4:45. She was a little uncomfortable.

She got up and headed to the bathroom, and then went downstairs to get some toast.

She accidentally knocked a pan from the stove to the floor. She wanted the coconut milk, but it was too high on the shelf for her to reach. She was still a little woozy, but not as bad as yesterday.

Jonathan was sleeping, and heard something that made him wake up.

He sat up, and heard another noise, and then looked over. Jennifer wasn't in bed. He checked for her in the bathroom, and didn't find her.

He headed downstairs to see what the noise was, and found her making toast.

"Darling, you are supposed to be in bed. Do you need some help?"

"Hi sweetheart. I didn't want to wake you. I want another pill, but I was hungry too".

He kissed her forehead.

"I will finish the toast, why don't you head back up to bed?"

She nodded.

"Oh and honey, can you get the coconut milk off the top shelf? And a glass?"

"Anything for you, my love".

He poured her a glass of coconut milk, and handed it to her.

"You know, it's a shame that you are on bedrest with limited physical activity."

"It is?"

"Yeah. You look pretty sexy in my pajama top with no bottoms".

He kissed her.

"All in good time, darling".

He made her plate, and then carried it up while he helped her up the stairs.

After she was settled back in bed again, he put the bed tray in front of her and she ate. She took another pill and was back asleep by 6.

He kissed her forehead as she slept, and then fell back asleep himself.

***Later that morning***

Jonathan woke up at 9, and laid there next to Jennifer for a little bit.

He checked some emails on his phone, and returned a few. He figured that she would want a shower today, so he had gotten the waterproof bandages ready.

She slept till 11:30, and woke up with very minimal discomfort. She reached over and patted Jonathan, and he leaned over and kissed her.

"Darling, do you want a shower this morning?"

"That sounds heavenly".

He helped her out of bed, and then helped her get the pajama top off.

He took the bandages off and put some waterproof ones on. She saw how bruised she looked, and started to cry.

"I look horrible, like I have been beaten".

"You are as lovely as you have always been, darling".

He helped her into the shower and washed her hair for her, and scrubbed her back.

After she was out and dried off, he helped her put some yoga capris on, and a soft tank top.

"Do you want to stay in bed today, or stay on the couch?"

"I want to stay on the couch."

He helped her get downstairs, and get settled on the couch.

He brought her laptop, her legal pad and pen, and some magazines, plus a glass of water.

"I will be in the study working, darling, if you need me".

Max brought her a sandwich, and she decided to try not to take a non-drowsy pain pill until she absolutely had to have one.

Around 3, Susan called Jonathan.

He put her on speaker phone, and brought it out to her.

"Darling, it's Susan".

"Hi Susan".

"How are you feeling, Jennifer?"

"Good, I think. I took a shower today with waterproof bandages, and have been resting. Thank you for being there in the operating room with me, I really appreciate it".

"Don't mention it. So, I got the test results back. I don't normally do this over the phone. If you are fine with it, I can proceed, or I can make a house call".

"We are fine if you are, but you are always welcome to make a house call".

"Well, I tell you what. I will be there in about 30 minutes".

"Ok, see you then".

Jonathan went upstairs and got her robe, and helped her put it on.

He helped her sit up a bit, and got her some fresh water.

Max told her to come on up when she buzzed at the gate, and Jonathan let her in.

"Thanks for coming, Susan".

She came over and hugged Jennifer.

"Ok, so I have your test results. The big mass turned out to be cancerous. The small one was not, but would have most likely become cancerous. The lab estimates that the big mass is most likely non-invasive breast cancer, end stage 2. This is good news. This means that you have a very high rate of wiping out the remaining cells with chemotherapy, and you should only need 4-6 sessions. I am having the oncologist on my team go over these results and they will be able to verify them for you at our appointment on Friday".

Jennifer had a blank stare. She nodded, very slowly.

Susan continued.

"Jennifer, I want you to understand that whatever you are feeling is totally normal. You are in a good place, because you have an amazing husband to help take care of you, you have the ability and the means to rest as much as you need to, and you can afford treatments. I know this is shocking and not what you wanted to hear, but you caught this early enough, that you will be able to beat this and move on with your life".

She wiped a tear away and nodded.

"It's just, my mom died of breast cancer, and I was determined that I wouldn't."

"I understand. However, genetics play a big part in cancer. We have made tremendous strides medically in regards to treatment since your mother died."

"I know".

Susan checked Jennifer's stitches and told her that she was healing very well.

"Susan, how long am I going to be restricted from physical activity?"

"If you are talking about going jogging, give it a few weeks. If you are talking about taking a walk, give it till tomorrow. And if you are talking about romance, give it another day and take it slow".

"Thank you, Susan. I am so glad I called you when I did".

"I am too."

They chatted briefly about things with her, and Jonathan promised her that he would be a major donor at her next benefit.

"Do you ever hear from Drew?" Susan Kendall's ex-husband had killed his mistress many years ago, a murder that Jonathan witnessed. He also tried to kill Jonathan when he realized that he knew about it.

"I get a letter from time to time. He is still in prison, and will probably never get out. The kids visit him on holidays, and give him money for his commissary needs. He's not as angry as he used to be, but he still hasn't taken responsibility, so as far as I am concerned, he is right where he belongs".

"I completely agree". Jonathan had no sympathy for him at all.

"Well, I won't keep you. If you need something, please call".

"Thank you so much, Susan".

Jonathan saw her out.

Jennifer was sitting on the couch, and just staring off into space.

He came and wrapped his arms around her, and they snuggled as best they could.

"We got this, babe. We will get a second opinion if you want to. I will fly in specialists, top doctors, the best in the business. I will bring you to them, or them to you, if you want".

"Let's listen to what Susan's oncologist has to say, and then decide".

"Ok, that's fair."

"Jonathan, when the swelling goes down, and my chest looks all deflated and nothing like it used to, -"

"No darling. That won't make me love you any less. That won't make a difference to me whatsoever".

"Thank you, darling".

"How are you feeling? Can I get you anything?"

"I am a little hungry. I guess I should start dinner".

"Jennifer, you are not cooking."

"Well, Max has a poker game. I can cook you and me dinner".

"You just had major surgery, darling. You will over exert yourself. Let's order in".

"Well, ok. How about a pizza from Guido's? Our usual?"

"Pepperoni, onions, bell pepper, extra cheese and anchovies".

"You got it".

He placed the order, and then sat there on the couch with her. She put her legs over his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"You are the best nurse I could have ever asked for. I hope I haven't put you out too much, darling".

"Don't be silly. I've barely lifted a finger. For better or for worse, right?"

"You got it. I am sorry that this is the worse".

"It's not the worse, honey. It's not. It's more like a bump in the road. The worse would be driving off a cliff, or losing you to another man. That would be the absolute worst".

"Losing me to another man would be?"

"Yes".

"Me dying from an illness wouldn't be?"

"No, it wouldn't".

He smiled at her.

"Explain please".

"Well you see, darling, I don't want to lose you under any circumstances. But if it was because of a horrible illness, I would know that you are in Heaven and you are healed. If it was because of another man, I would hurt every day, both for myself for letting you get away, and for you, because I know that no other man will ever love you like I do, and you darling, deserve to be loved more than I could ever love you. And you see, I just couldn't handle it if I knew that you weren't being loved like you deserve to be loved".

"I adore you, you know that? Nobody is ever going to have the chance to love me like you do, or more than you do. And you aren't ever going to lose me to another man, because if I can't have you, I don't want anyone else".

She kissed him, and ran her fingers through his hair.

He was trying to be gentle with her, but he wanted to pull her as close to him as possible. He never could get enough of her.

***Friday***

It had been nice having Jonathan working from home all week. Jennifer had really needed him. She barely remembered Monday, the day she found the lump, or Tuesday, the day she had surgery. Wednesday was relaxing, but Thursday, she felt awful. She had a low grade fever and was extremely sore. She slept all day, and barely moved in the bed. Jonathan was so concerned that he called Susan, just to get reassurance that she was ok.

"That sounds totally normal, Jonathan. I will check her out tomorrow, just to be sure. However, if her fever goes up, call me and I'll come over".

"Will do. Thank you".

Jennifer's appointment had been moved to 1. She woke up around 7, and felt much better. The antibiotic was finally kicking in.

She was able to wash her hair in the shower by herself, and she had put on a top without help. She was definitely moving in the right direction.

She had gotten out of the shower, and put some fresh pajamas on, and got back in bed.

Jonathan made her bacon and eggs, and brought it to her on a tray.

"Darling, you are so thoughtful. Thank you".

She kissed him.

"You look like you are feeling better, darling".

"Yes, I am. I think the antibiotic is kicking in".

"You also got a lot of rest, which always helps".

After she was finished eating, he took the tray off the bed, and scooted closer to her.

She snuggled up to him, gently, and they leaned back against the pillows.

Jennifer rested her head on Jonathan's shoulder.

"Honey, what if you or I don't like the options for chemo today?"

"Well, then we will seek out a second opinion. We will come home, and research it, and make another choice".

It wasn't like her to be this anxious, but lord knows she had good reason to be anxious.

She sat up and looked at him.

"I know it probably didn't seem like it, and I apologize for that, but I have really loved having you take care of me this week. You are the only one who always makes me feel better". She kissed him.

"Darling, do you remember what you said to me all those years ago when we thought I was going blind?"

"You mean from the chemical that had been dumped in the pool?"

"Yes. Do you remember what you said to me?"

She shook her head.

"Well, I do. I have never forgotten it. I asked you what we would do if I could never see your beautiful face again. And you told me that there was absolutely nothing in the world that would change the way you felt about me. And that's when I said you would have to take care of me, and you corrected me that we would take care of each other. That's all this is, babe. Me taking care of you, because I love you. You take care of me every day. And there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you".

"Really? Nothing I wouldn't do for you either, darling".

"Good to know".

She leaned forward and kissed him, and he started to unbutton her pajama top.

"Jonathan, are you sure this is a good idea?"

"I'll be gentle, babe."

He kissed her several times, and then they made love.

After 4 incredibly long days, she was starting to feel normal again.

TBC


	2. HartSick

Hartsick.

***Dr. Kendall's office***

After Jonathan and Jennifer had made love, she got up and took a sponge bath and got dressed. She wanted to wear something cute and fashionable, but she still needed a button up top. She finally decided on a long button up blouse, black leggings, and some black boots.

Jonathan drove them to their appointment, since she hadn't been cleared to drive just yet.

They got there and signed in, and were called back right away.

The oncologist came in.

"Hi, I am Dr. Kelly, the oncologist."

After a round of introductions and handshakes, she got down to business.

"I think you have the best case scenario that you could hope for. It's non-invasive, so that means that it tends to be more localized, which is good. It's early stage 3, end stage 2, so that means that it will be easier to kill the cells. Normally, if this was anywhere else in the body, I would recommend radiation only, but the breast has a lot of lymph nodes, and lymph nodes are the subway system for cancer cells in the body. Since lymph nodes are involved, I am recommending 4-6 treatments of chemo. You will take it at home, by mouth every morning. You will also need to up your vitamins and minerals, and eat a diet based on raw, fresh, fruits and veggies. There is a 30% chance that you won't lose your hair with this chemo. Do you have any questions?"

Jennifer, the journalist, had lots of questions. She asked them all and was pretty satisfied with the answers.

"What side effects should I expect?"

"Nausea, headaches, tiredness, and sensitivity to the sun are all common. However, each person is different".

"Thank you".

They waited there for Dr. Kendall to come in, with Dr. Martin.

They checked her stitches, and Dr. Martin removed about half of them from the right breast and all of them from the left.

"Give these about another week, and then they will be ready to come out".

He put a waterproof tape over them.

"This will last till you come back, so you don't have to worry about the waterproof bandages any more. Just don't scrub it. You can try wearing bras with underwire, but if you are in pain, take it off".

"Thank you, doctor".

Dr. kendall checked her out also, and told her she was healing well.

"Also, I found these in the supply closet. You put these in your bra, and they make it look like you did pre surgery. You are welcome to use them if you'd like, till you get the reconstruction done".

"How soon can I schedule that?"

"Let's get you cancer-free first, and then we will talk about it".

"Deal".

Dr. Kendall gave her the prescription for the chemo, and the directions on how to take it.

"Here is a list of the vitamins you need to be taking, and the fresh fruits and veggies that are recommended. Plenty of water. Water will keep you hydrated, and the chemo will try to dehydrate you. So, water is extremely important. And finally, you get to participate in some traditions we have here. All first time cancer patients get to pick a box from the gift box, and an envelope from the tree. With the chemo, you will have to come in every Friday to have your blood drawn so we can run your tumor markers. On your last visit during your chemo regimen, you will get to ring the bell. Once you are declared cancer free, you will get a gift basket. So, go pick your stuff, and rest, rest, rest, and hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. I am taking you off all restrictions, but I am telling you to listen to your body. If you don't feel well, don't push it. You are going to need your strength."

"I understand".

Jennifer gave her a long hug, and then she and Jonathan headed to the waiting room to take part in the traditions.

Jennifer had a happy face on, and she did truly feel some relief after this appointment. Deep down, she was scared to death. She wasn't just scared for her, she was scared for Jonathan too.

She picked a shiny blue box from the gift box, and a thick envelope from the tree.

Jonathan put his arm around her as they walked to the car.

"We are going to take your prescriptions and drop them off, pick up dinner, pick up your prescriptions, and then home, darling. Is there anywhere else you want to go?"

"No. That's all fine".

She was a little tired, so they completed their errands so that she could get back home as quickly as possible.

They picked up La Scala for dinner, and then headed home.

***Willow Pond***

Max was waiting for them.

"How did your appointment go, Mrs. H.?"

"About as well as can be expected, Max".

"We picked up dinner, and there is enough for you to join us, if you'd like".

"Thanks, but I have a date. So, I will be out for the evening".

"Well enjoy yourself, Max".

Jennifer headed upstairs to change into her pajamas. Jonathan brought in their dinner and took it to the kitchen.

"How's she holding up, Mr. H.?"

"It was a lot to process, Max. But, a good prognosis, and we are going to stay positive. They gave us a list of groceries to add to her diet, so they will need to be added to the grocery list. We will finalize the list in the next day or so."

"You got it, Mr. H".

Max left for his date, and Jonathan went to check on Jennifer.

She was sitting on the bed, with Freeway, crying.

"Mama is going to fight this, I promise you. You are the only one who can know what I am thinking. Jonathan can't see me going through this, he is such a good man and the best husband. He was talking about how I deserve to be loved more than he can do, well he deserves that too. It wouldn't be very loving of me if I let him watch me waste away. So, I will need you to take care of him while I am gone, ok? Make sure you snuggle with him when he's sad, and you can even sleep in my spot, ok? I love you so much, Freeway. Don't ever forget it".

Jonathan walked in, and sat down next to her.

"Jennifer, darling, nobody is going anywhere. You aren't going to waste away, You are vibrant, and healthy, and stunningly beautiful, and you are going to kick this cancer in the ass, and I am going to help you do it. I love you, please don't go anywhere".

She was sobbing.

"It's not fair to you to have to do this with me. I can just go to the beach house".

"It's not fair to you to have to do it at all. But here we are. Now, I love you and I am not giving up on you, darling. I'm not. We are both scared, but we are going to have to take this day by day and hope like hell that in 4 weeks they will say you are cancer free. And there is no place on earth I am going to be except by your side from now till you get to ring the bell".

He pulled her onto his lap, and held her close.

"I love you, darling".

"I love you too".

He hugged her for a few minutes, and then she looked at him again.

"I am sorry my emotions are all over the place. And it's probably not going to get much better, during the next few weeks."

"You and I can handle whatever comes our way. But not if you leave me and try to do this alone".

"Ok".

She kissed him.

"You hungry?"

She nodded.

He picked her up and carried her downstairs, and set her in a chair at the table.

"Darling, I can still walk".

"I know. But I love to carry you".

He brought their dinner to the table.

"Darling, you haven't had medicine today, would you like a glass of wine?"

"Yes, please".

He poured her some white wine, and brought it to her.

She was quiet, which he knew meant that she was processing everything. They had been given a lot of information.

"Darling, if you want to seek a second opinion, then just say the word, and we will find you one".

"No, I think I am going to trust Susan and her team. I don't want to offend her, and this opinion is pretty good, I suppose".

"Well, then this should be an easy battle".

After they finished dinner, he cleaned up the kitchen, and told her he had a surprise for her upstairs.

"Wait on me downstairs in the living room, while I get it ready".

She nodded. He kissed her and went upstairs to get it ready.

About 5 minutes later, he had a bubble bath and two glasses of wine waiting for her. He had lit candles and had soft music playing in the background. He met her at the top of the stairs.

"I am putting a blindfold on you. Hold still".

"Ok, now I am going to pick you up, and take you to the surprise".

He picked her up with ease, and carried her into the bathroom.

He took her robe off, and slipped her nightgown off, and picked her up again and put her in the bubble bath.

She got settled, took off the blindfold, and sank back into the tub.

He got undressed and joined her, and then turned on the jets.

He moved her to sit in front of him, and gave her a really good back massage, with a few neck kisses sprinkled in.

They soaked for a while, and then he helped her out of the tub and wrapped her in a towel.

She put her pajamas back on, and he changed into his.

They climbed into bed, and she snuggled up to him.

"Darling?"

"What, sweetheart?"

"I'm absolutely terrified".

"I know, baby. Me too". He held her close and let her fall asleep on his chest.

***Monday***

Jennifer spent the weekend researching her cancer and everything related to it. Cancer diets. Vitamins, juicing, sleeping patterns, homeopathics. Whatever was out there, she wanted to be informed and educated.

Jonathan was patient with her, and didn't leave her side hardly at all.

In the end, she decided to give the chemo a shot, and then explore other options later.

She set her alarm, and got up when it went off. Jonathan was going to work today, and then coming home at lunch to be with her the rest of the day.

After she ate breakfast, she took her first set of chemo pills. 8 pills in the morning, 8 at night. Jonathan had bought her a mini-fridge and put it upstairs in the utility closet off their bathroom. He filled it with water bottles for her, since Susan had said she would be thirsty.

The plan was for her to work on her article in bed, and rest when she felt like it.

Jonathan got home at 12, and she was napping.

He laid down and took a nap with her.

He woke up around 3, and saw that she was still sleeping.

He covered her with the blanket and slipped downstairs.

He came back up at 6, and she was just waking up.

"Hi, darling. Enjoy your nap?"

"Yes, I did. How long did I sleep?"

"At least 6 hours, darling".

"Wow."

"I slept 3 of those hours with you".

"You did? That was sweet. I love it when we nap together".

"Me too".

"Are you hungry? I think Max has dinner almost ready"

"Yes, I think I am."

They headed downstairs and had dinner, and then Jennifer went straight back up to bed.

Jonathan had brought the TV up for her, and set it up on the windowsill.

They watched TV in bed for a little bit, and she fell asleep pretty easily, before 9 p.m.

He leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"One day down, 41 to go".

***Friday***

Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday were about the same. This chemo was absolutely zapping her energy. She was either sleeping, napping, or eating.

She and Jonathan had definitely had some romantic moments, but not as many as they used to. She felt bad about it and hoped he understood.

She had asked Jonathan to pick up her vitamins, and he had come through with several bottles.

She took those every night at dinner. She was hoping they were helping.

Friday afternoon, Jonathan came home and found her lying in bed watching TV.

"Hi darling, how are you feeling?"

"Better now that you are here".

He laid down on the bed next to her. She rolled over and embraced him.

"I missed you this morning, darling".

"I missed you too. You seem to have gotten your energy back"

"I have lots of energy, and I only want to spend it on you"

She kissed him, and they made love and then she fell asleep. She slept all afternoon.

***Middle of the night***

Jennifer woke up and looked at the clock. It was 2:43. Something wasn't right, but she couldn't put her finger on it just yet.

She sat up and drank some water. As soon as she did, she got up and bolted for the bathroom. She barely made it to the water closet before throwing up. Jonathan woke up and heard her. He went and got her a cold washcloth, and put it on her neck.

"It's alright, darling." He sat down on the floor next to her, and tried to make her comfortable.

She ended up leaning against him when she wasn't sick. He held her and comforted her, and every other hour, she would spend about 30 minutes getting sick. He kept filling her with water, to keep her hydrated. He grabbed his phone, and called Susan. She called in a prescription for Phenergan, and then he called the pharmacy and arranged to have it sent by messenger.

Max brought her toast, and she took her meds with that.

He brought her blankets into the bathroom, since the floor was cold.

He was doing everything he could to make this easier for her, and yet he still felt so helpless watching her be sick.

The Phenergan was delivered around 11, and she took it right away. He helped her to bed and got her tucked in so she could rest.

"I hope we don't have too many more of these days".

"If we do, we will get through them. You are doing well, babe".

She rolled over on her side and fell asleep. He made sure the fan was like she liked it, and he turned her sound machine on.

He climbed back in bed and stretched out beside her. They slept for a few hours. He woke her up to get her to eat some toast.

Around 7, she was feeling better. Max made her some homemade chicken noodle soup, and she managed to eat about ½ a bowl. She was exhausted.

Jonathan rubbed her lotion on her back for her, and she snuggled up to him. She was asleep in minutes.

At 3:16, it started all over again.

***Tuesday***

Jennifer and Jonathan finally got things under control. They figured out the trick was to take a Phenergan with each chemo dose. It wasn't ideal, but it was working so far. She felt puney, but she had stopped spending her nights on the bathroom floor.

She woke up and tried to convince Jonathan to go into the office.

"Darling, I will be ok, here, honest. Max is here, and I hate to think I am keeping you from your work".

"You are the most important thing in my life, darling. You need me here, so here is where I will be. I delegated everything to Stanley and Harold, so we are good. They are keeping me updated."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. And besides, If I was there, I would be wishing I was here".

"Darling, you know all those fun things you do for me all the time, like surprise trips and surprise gifts, and always being so thoughtful?"

"Yes, I recall some of that".

"Well, when I get through this, I am going to plan some surprises for you. I couldn't do this without you, darling". She reached up and kissed him.

"This isn't a contest, darling. Nobody owes anyone anything. I am doing this because I love you".

"And I love you".

Max brought her some toast, and she took her chemo pills after she ate it.

Jonathan went downstairs and made her a glass of fresh juice from celery, spinach, kale, spirulina, lemon, orange, and bell pepper. He added some turmeric and blended it.

She drank it pretty quickly, and then asked him for a back scratch, to which he happily obliged.

She fell asleep, so he just held her.

He couldn't stop staring at her. She was so beautiful, always had been. He always said he could be in a room full of Playboy models and he would only have eyes for her, every single time. Even after all these years, he couldn't keep his hands off her. She was his every thought, his every emotion. They were totally, 1 billion percent devoted to each other.

He fell asleep with her, and didn't bother to wipe the tears away.

***Friday***

Jennifer woke up at 7, and was wide awake. She was excited because today was the first day in a week that she was going to be leaving the house. Granted, it was only to go to the doctor, but she was still excited. She was going to ask Jonathan if they could go to the beach house after the doctor's appointment.

She took a shower, and put her robe on. He was still sleeping.

She climbed back in bed, and kissed his forehead. It was blazing hot.

She felt his forehead with her hand, and realized he had a fever.

She went and got the thermometer that you stick in your ear, and did it to him. It said 101.9.

"Jonathan….Jonathan….."

He woke up.

"Babe, you are burning up. You have a fever".

She got up and got him some aspirin and a bottle of water.

"Here take these. I will drive myself to the doctor, and then come back and check on you."

"Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Yes, I am sure".

She got up and got dressed, and then kissed him.

She went downstairs and made herself some toast and had Max make him some breakfast and take it to him.

She drove herself to the doctor, and signed in. It was going to be an easy appointment, she was just getting her stitches out.

Susan came in, and took out her stitches, and then gave her new prescrips for chemo and Phenergan.

"Where's Jonathan?"

"He had a fever this morning, so he is home, in bed".

"How high was his fever?"

"101.7".

She opened a cupboard and took out a thermometer. "Open up".

She took Jennifer's temperature, even though she protested.

Perfect 98.6.

"You are ok for now. If you develop a fever, you have to go to the hospital. And unfortunately, since Jonathan has developed a fever, you two can't be together until he has been fever free for 24 hours. Your immune system cannot take it. So, separate bedrooms, or get a hotel, or something, until he is over whatever this is".

She was sad, but she understood.

She checked out with the receptionist, and headed home.

She called their bedroom line.

He answered, and knew it was her. Nobody else but them and Max used that number.

"Babe, you ok?"

"Yes, but there's bad news."

"What is it?"

"You have a fever, so I can't be near you till you have been fever free for 24 hours. She gave me a mask to wear when I am around you, and she said we have to do separate bedrooms, the whole bit."

"Well, I understand it, but I don't like it."

"Same. I begged for the right to be able to stay with you and wear a mask and she said no. So, I think you should move into the guestroom, and Max will have to Lysol everything in our room. And then I am going to the beach house".

"Babe, don't go there. Go to the guesthouse out back."

"We can't be together, darling. And if I'm at the beach house, I will miss you like crazy, but I won't be stalking you from the house like I would be at the guest house".

"Good point".

"Do you still have a fever?"

"Yes. And when you leave, I am getting my kiss".

"I was thinking the same thing".

***Later***

She came home and packed a bag. She had a mask on and she was sad about leaving him. All throughout their marriage, they never did like to be separated from each other.

After she was ready to go, he walked her to the door.

"Bye honey. I love you. We can facetime and call and stuff".

"Can't wrap your arms around a phone".

"No, you cannot. I don't know if I will be able to sleep tonight without your arms around me".

"Hopefully I can kick this quick, and you can come back tomorrow".

"Take your meds every 4 hours. Max will bring them to you. Take your temp before you take your meds. As soon as you don't have a fever, we can start counting".

"Ok. I want you to rest, darling. And stay hydrated. And try not to miss me too much".

She pulled the mask down.

"I want my kiss, Mr. H."

He pulled her close and she wrapped her arms around him and he kissed her passionately for about 5 minutes. It was a kiss that made her head spin. It was a kiss that reminded them both why they fell in love with each other.

"I have to go. I love you".

"Call me when you get there. I love you too".

He kissed her one last time, and she sadly put the mask up.

He watched her get in the car, and drive off.

It was going to be a long 24 hours.

***Later that day***

Jonathan had gone back to bed as soon as she left. He set his alarm for 4 hours, and then woke up and took his temperature. It was going down, but it wasn't gone yet. He took a cold shower, took some more meds, and had Max bring him some chicken noodle soup.

He stayed on this regimen until dinner time. He took his temp at 3, and again at 6 and it was gone.

He facetimed her. She was lying in the bed up on the third floor.

She answered on the first ring.

"I love you".

"I love you too".

"How are you feeling?"

"Haven't had a fever since 3. So, I am starting the countdown. And when you get home, we are spending the day in bed, babe".

"Fine with me. This doesn't feel right. This isn't my place, this is our place, and you should be with me."

"I agree darling. When you come home, I want to have a snuggle by the fire. Hell, we can snuggle in the kitchen, I just want my arms around you".

"Well, I am going back to sleep. I love you. I will call you when I wake up, darling".

"Ok. I love you too. I miss you so much. This is so strange, feels like we are grounded teenagers".

"More like teenagers in love. I love you, sleep well".

They hung up and they both tried to not be sad, and focus on getting well.

***Saturday***

Jennifer woke up to the phone ringing. It was Max.

"Come downstairs". She got out of bed and let him in.

"Hi!" She gave him a big hug.

"Mr. H. wanted you to still have your Saturday morning breakfast, so he ordered your usual order for delivery".

"That was very sweet of him. How is he feeling?"

"Still no fever".

"yay".

"He sent you more water bottles, and this note. Hopefully, you will be back at the house tonight".

"Did you Lysol our bedroom and bathroom, Max?"

"I did the whole house, just to be safe."

"Thanks, Max."

"See you Later Mrs. H."

She closed the door behind him, and went and sat on the couch. She grabbed her phone and facetimed him.

He answered on the first ring.

"I love you".

"I love you too. Eat breakfast with me?"

"Would be glad to, babe".

They ate their breakfast as together as they could, and she watched him take his temp and saw that it was still down.

"Just a few more hours babe, and I will be back home with you".

"I know, I am counting down the minutes myself. It was awful sleeping alone without you last night".

"Don't remind me. I almost cried myself to sleep I was missing you so much. Honey, we need to start you taking vitamins each day so that you can be healthy and we won't have to do this again".

"I already started".

They stayed on Facetime most of the day, and at 2, she packed her bag while he watched. He also got to watch her take a bath and get some clothes on, and drive to their house.

They hung up the phone when she pulled in the gate. He met her at the front door.

She got out of the car and ran to him.

"I love you". She gave him several long kisses.

"I love you darling".

They went upstairs, and Max brought her bag and put it outside their door.

He had changed their sheets and towels and washed everything in hot water.

He fixed them dinner and brought it to them in bed.

They had a very romantic, low-key evening and were just happy to be home together.

***A week later***

Jennifer had finally convinced Jonathan to go back to the office. He was coming home early though, which made her happy. She had turned the nauseated corner, and was now able to focus on things like researching articles again.

Jonathan had texted her that he would be home at 5 today, and that he loved her.

She got off the couch at 4 and went and took a shower. The swelling in her breasts had finally gone down. She had not wanted to look at them until now. She had always loved her appearance and the "out of sight, out of mind" approach had been working so far.

She was in the shower and had just conditioned her hair, when it happened. She felt it the second that it did.

She felt the tears come almost instantly. This was her worst fear coming true in a lot of ways. Her beautiful luscious red hair was falling out, and there wasn't anything she could do about it.

She stood in the shower and cried a little bit, and then finally got out and dried off.

She towel dried her hair, and a few more clumps came out.

She went got a scarf out of the closet and wrapped it around her hair, and then got dressed.

She was sitting downstairs on the couch, waiting for him when he came in.

As soon as he saw the scarf on her head, he knew.

Without saying anything, he took her in his arms and just held her close.

He looked into her eyes.

"You know what I was thinking about the first time I saw you?"

She shook her head.

"I distinctly remember telling myself that this woman is the most gorgeous woman in any room, and the only way she would be any prettier would be if she were bald".

She made a face that told him that she loved him for saying it, but that she was mad at herself for falling for it.

"It's the one thing I wanted to avoid".

"I know. And you had pretty good odds. But it happened, so now we have to work the cycle".

"Work the cycle?"

"Yes. The hair cycle. You cut it, it grows back, and you cut it again. We just have to wait for it to grow back".

She kissed him.

"Thank you for trying".

"I swear to you, it doesn't change a thing. And we can go get you a wig, if you want."

She nodded.

"Tonight, before bed, can you give me the lotion treatment on my back?"

"Absolutely".

"Max is off tonight. So, what if we order in some Chinese food, and just lay around?"

She nodded.

He leaned her back against the pillows on the couch, and then leaned forward and started kissing her neck.

"I had these long board meetings today and all I could think about was you".

He continued to nuzzle her neck, as he slid a hand up underneath her tank top.

"No, honey-don't".

"What is it?"

"No". She pushed his hand away from her chest.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No, honey".

She had tears in her eyes, and it broke his heart.

"Darling, when I fell in love with you, I didn't wade in. I jumped in. Both feet, as deep as I could go. I love your hair, but I don't love you only because of your hair. And I am in love with you 100%, it's not 99% and a boob. You could cut holes in a paper sack and put it on your head and I would still want to make love to you every single day. Nothing is ever going to change that".

He kissed her tenderly and just held her for a while.

She got up and went made herself a fresh juice, and he placed the Chinese order, and then went to find her in the kitchen.

He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, darling. I'm sorry".

She turned around and hugged him.

"I just want you to remember me as perfect, that's all".

"And I'm trying to explain to you that you will always be perfect to me, darling. Always".

He stroked her hair and kissed her forehead.

"Darling?" She looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

"Yes?"

"Are we going to get through this? I feel like I am going crazy".


	3. Matters of the Hart

Matters of the Heart

***Willow Pond***

Jennifer was now in her 4th week of chemo. She would find out Friday at the doctor's office if the chemo had been successful. She was trying not to think about it. Her hair was almost completely gone. She wore a scarf around the house most of the time. Jonathan had called Susan Kendall, and she came and picked her up one day earlier in the week and took her on an adventure. They had gone wig shopping, gotten mani/pedi's and had lunch. Susan had given her some information about support groups.

Jonathan was being so patient with her. He was concerned that she was keeping her feelings all bottled up though.

Max had taken the week off and flown to Vegas to play in a poker tournament. It was just Jonathan and Jennifer in the house.

She was in the kitchen when he came home. Just as he walked in, she dropped a glass on the kitchen floor.

She sighed, got the broom out and started sweeping the glass up.

He grabbed the dust pan, and held it for her, while she swept.

After they got it cleaned up, he kissed her and asked her if she was all right.

"Yeah, just clumsy today".

He could tell she was emotional, but Susan had told him that it was normal.

"Have a good day, honey?"

"I suppose. It was a long day of meetings, thinking about you."

"You're sweet".

Just then smoke started pouring out of the oven.

"Oh no, our dinner!"

She grabbed the oven mitts and opened the door and started fanning the smoke, but it was no use. The stuffed chicken she had made was now charcoal.

She grabbed it and threw it in the sink and ran water over it.

She walked over to the oven without saying a word and turned it off, and then headed straight upstairs.

He cleaned up the mess as best he could, and took the trash out so the house wouldn't smell like smoke, and then went upstairs to check on her.

Just as he was coming into the bedroom, she was coming out of the bathroom.

She stubbed her toe on the wall, and fell, knocking her water glass off the nightstand.

And that's when it started.

She went into a rage. She knocked everything off the nightstand, and grabbed the pillows and threw them. She picked up the glass off the floor and threw it through the window. She was screaming and crying all at the same time.

He went to and grabbed her arms to calm her down. She started beating his chest and he let her do it. After a few minutes and several good hits, she calmed down and just let him hold her.

"I hate this. I hate that I have cancer and that it has invaded our lives and I hate that I keep taking it out on you. I hate that you have to suffer because of me. I can't do this anymore".

"It's ok. This isn't a tragedy".

"I broke your favorite glass- the one that we got in Mexico. I had gotten it out to put it in the freezer for you, since your other one was in the dishwasher, and instead I just dropped it. I made your favorite dinner as a thank you for putting you through all this and I burned it because I completely forgot to set the timer. And I can't even leave a room without making a mess. I hate this, Jonathan, I hate all of it".

She was sobbing hard.

"You know what? I hate it too. I hate cancer because it took your mom from you, and it's trying to take you from me. And I hate what it's doing to you. I hate that you are feeling this way and that I cannot fix it. But I absolutely positively do not hate you for having cancer. And you aren't putting me through anything. I am dragging myself through this with you because I love you."

He kissed her a few times, and leaned her back against the pillows. He moved to sit beside her.

"I'm sorry about the glass, darling, and the dinner. And the window".

"All of that can be replaced. You are what's important".

"Jonathan, if they don't tell us that this chemo worked at the doctor this week, I don't know what I am going to do. I am grasping at straws here".

"I know, baby. And if you don't get the news you hope for, then we keep taking it one day at a time."

He held her for a little longer, and then they went downstairs to the kitchen together, and he helped her salvage dinner.

After dinner was over, they cleaned the kitchen together and then she went and took a long, hot bath. He came and joined her after a while, and she was not as emotional but just as tired of the battle.

They got out and dried off, and she put some pajamas on.

She laid down on the bed on her stomach, and then he climbed on top of her and put lotion all over her back, and gave her a massage. One side effect of the chemo was that her skin had become very dry.

After he finished her massage, she gave him a back scratch for about a half hour.

After she was done, she got off him and got under the covers and he climbed under the covers beside her.

She put her head on his chest while they watched TV and he did the crossword puzzle. She fell asleep, and he didn't have the heart to move her. He reached over and turned the light out, and got as comfortable as he could.

He pulled her onto him and kissed her forehead.

"I will always love you, no matter what, darling."

He fell asleep, trying not to think about the craziness of the day.

***Tuesday***

Jonathan woke up before she did, and went downstairs. He called his office and told his secretary to delegate everything to Stanley and Harold, and to only call him in case of an emergency.

"I am going to focus on Jennifer the next few days, until we find out if the chemo worked. If it's an emergency, call me. Otherwise, they can handle it".

He made her breakfast and brought it up on a tray. She was still sleeping peacefully.

He set the breakfast tray down on the window seat and climbed back in bed with her. They woke up again around 9, and she leaned up on one elbow and looked at him.

"Darling, aren't you going into the office today?"

"No. I took the week off to focus on spending time with you".

"That's so kind of you, darling."

He leaned up and kissed her.

"I promise you that you are the only thing that matters right now".

"I promise you that I am going to try to be less emotional. I can't believe I blew up like that yesterday. Did I hurt you?"

"No darling, you didn't. I am glad you blew up, actually. It was refreshing. You can't hold all that in, darling."

She leaned over and kissed him.

"If they give us good news on Friday, how are we going to get things back to normal?"

"Time".

She nodded.

He got up and got her breakfast tray and brought it to her.

It was just a fruit salad and some toast, and juice. She ate and took her meds and vitamins and then went to take a shower.

He cleaned up the dishes and came back upstairs.

He called a repairman about the window and they said they would be out that afternoon at 3. He waited for her to get out of the shower and after she was dressed, they went downstairs. She worked on some articles on one end of the couch, and he worked on some business research on the other end.

She made them lunch around 12, and then they went back to the couch.

In the afternoon, he made them some cocktails. They put away the laptops and he gave her a foot massage. They ordered in La Scala, and he put on some music and danced with her some.

"Darling, regardless of what they tell us at the doctor on Friday, can we spend the weekend at the beach house? Just us, no interruptions, no distractions?"

"You got it, babe. Whatever your heart desires".

He kissed her nice and slow.

"So what would you say the worst part about this has been, darling?"

"Thinking I was going to die, knowing that I drove you crazy with my outbursts, knowing that I was losing my head and not being able to stop it, and feeling like I will never get my body back, all rolled into one. What about you? Or do I want to know?"

"Seeing what it did to you, especially your self-confidence and it making you think I would love you any less because of a scar."

"I'm so sorry, darling".

"Shh. No apologies. It's all part of the package. We got through it, and we are in the home stretch. And you are still just as beautiful now as you were before."

He kissed her passionately, and picked her up.

He carried her to the couch and they lied down.

"Darling, trust me?"

She hesitated, nodded, and then kissed him.

This time when he went to touch her chest, she let him. This time, she didn't push him away. And this time when they made love, not only was it the best sex they had in months, but they reconnected emotionally and strengthened their marriage even deeper.

They had just gotten dressed again when their dinner arrived.

He built them a fire and they sat on the floor in front of it and used the coffee table as their dinner table. He made them some cocktails, and they fed each other bites of their pasta.

After they finished eating, he got them some blankets and piled them on the floor in front of the fireplace.

She was snuggled up in his arms.

"How do you do it?"

"How do I do what, darling?"

"Always know what I need and when I need it. It never fails. You get it right every single time, and sometimes you know that I need it when I don't even know that I need it."

"It's all part of being in love with you, my dear".

"This was the best night, darling. Thank you for saving me again".

"Saving you? From what?"

"From myself".

She leaned forward and kissed him, and he returned it in favor.

***Friday***

It had been a long three days. Jonathan had been patient and romantic and reassuring as usual, but it was hard on both of them.

He drove her to the appointment this morning, and parked.

They walked in together holding hands.

She signed in and they sat down.

He grabbed both of her hands.

"Darling, whatever they tell us, we are doing this together. We got this far together, and we aren't going to start playing singles right now. Ok?".

She smiled, nodded and kissed him.

They called her back, and they both stood up and went.

They took her into a room and got her vitals. Throughout this process she had lost 20 pounds. They did a blood draw and then took them to a large exam room.

As soon as they sat down, Jonathan wrapped his arms around her.

She leaned on him and put her head on his shoulder.

Susan came in and hugged them both.

"Ok, so your tumor marker test results are in. This is done on a scale of -7 to +7. The ideal number that you want is a 0. Your number when you started chemo was 5. Your number as of this morning, is -1. Jennifer Hart, you are cancer free".

Tears streamed down her face. She turned and hugged Jonathan.

"You did it, darling. We did it. We got through this".

She kissed him, and he handed her a handkerchief.

"So, no more chemo right now. You can resume all levels of physical activity, just listen to your body. You still need to do breast exams. That's how you caught it this time, so you still need to do those. I am going to make you an appointment for a month from now, for us to talk about reconstruction".

Jennifer nodded.

Susan led them to the waiting room. There were probably about 40 people in there.

"Ladies and gentleman, Mrs. Jennifer Hart has now had her last chemo, and is cancer free!"

She handed Jennifer the mallet, and Jennifer opened the camera action on her phone and handed the phone to Jonathan. He took a video while she rang the bell.

After she was done, everyone clapped and he kissed her.

"Ok, now you get to pick your gift basket."

She looked around and finally chose one that had been donated by some of her favorite stores.

After she was done, she gave Susan a huge hug and then Jonathan led her to the car.

He helped her in, and then got in the driver's seat.

He leaned over and grabbed her face and kissed her nice and slow.

"I love you, and I am so proud of you."

"I couldn't have done this without you. Thank you for sticking by me".

"Nowhere else I'd rather be".

She laced her fingers through his.

"What are we doing now?"

"We are going to go home, and get Freeway and then go to the beach house if you still want to".

She nodded. "At least one night".

They headed to Willow Pond.

***Willow Pond***

Jennifer and Jonathan walked in the house. Freeway came running. Jennifer picked him up and started petting him.

Max came out.

"Good news?"

"The best news. Jennifer is cancer free".

Max came over and hugged her.

"I love you Mrs. H. You are like my daughter, and I knew you would beat this".

She gave him a big bear hug.

"Thank you. I am so proud to know you".

Jonathan came over.

"Mrs. H. and I are going to the beach house. We might be back tomorrow, and we might not."

"Enjoy. You earned it".

They headed upstairs to pack their bags.

They came into the bedroom, and Jonathan pulled her into his arms.

"I mean it darling. I am so proud of you".

She wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I couldn't have done it without you".

They kissed, and then packed their clothes.

They headed out, and made plans to go to the grocery store later that afternoon.

***Beach house***

Jonathan and Jennifer came inside the beach house. Jonathan took their bags upstairs, and then joined Jennifer on the terrace.

Jonathan hung up a hammock on the third floor terrace. He made her a cocktail, and then made himself one. He walked out to the terrace and handed her the cocktail.

"Thanks, darling".

She took a sip.

He lifted his glass.

"To my beautiful wife".

They clinked glasses, kissed and then took a sip.

"It's so peaceful here".

She set her drink down on the railing.

"I've been doing some thinking, darling. You took a lot from me during all of this that I shouldn't have put on you. I'm sorry. I didn't expect to feel that way, and I guess I didn't process my emotions right."

"You didn't do anything wrong. You had an illness. You were upset, and we dealt with it".

She nodded and leaned against him.

"And to think I was going to walk away from you and deal with this by myself".

"I would have moved heaven and earth to find you and bring you back to me, darling".

He kissed her.

"Come upstairs with me, I have a surprise".

She took his hand and he led her upstairs, and out on to the terrace. He showed her the hammock. He laid down in the hammock, and then she snuggled in beside him.

"Am I hurting you?"

"Never"

She closed her eyes and put her head on his chest.

"I am so thankful for you, darling". She kissed him.

"You are so lovely".

They spent a few romantic hours in the hammock, and then went inside.

She had never opened any of the gifts and envelopes that were from the place. So, she dug them out and decided to open them now.

She had 3 envelopes and 1 box, and the gift basket.

She started with the envelopes. The first one was a gift certificate to a spa in Los Angeles, for a massage, facial, body wrap, and mani/pedi.

The second envelope was a gift certificate for a shopping spree at Cartier.

The third envelope was 2 tickets to the American Cancer Society Ball.

She showed them to Jonathan.

"Very nice darling".

She opened the box next, and it was a beautiful picture frame that held 4 photos.

The gift basket was from several shops on Rodeo Drive. There were some jewelry pieces, some hair and face products, a fancy phone case, some nightgowns from one store, and a beautiful mirror from another store.

She loved all of it.

She put everything in the basket and took it over to the side table.

She came back and laid down on the bed again, and she snuggled up to him.

"How about we put on a movie, darling?"

"Fine with me".

He turned the TV on, and found them a movie. They watched for a little bit, and she fell asleep on his shoulder.

He held her all night long, so thankful he still had the chance.


End file.
